Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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