If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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