Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
