I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
