Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
