She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
