i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
