And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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