I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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