Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
