she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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