Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
