How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
