So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
