No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
