Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Soap is not a condiment
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
