He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
