3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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