if i died would you start the facebook group?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
