At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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