Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
