My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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