if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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