My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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