and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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