I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
