I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
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I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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