So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
