you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
