i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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