i permit you to call me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
