I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
