my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
