I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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