It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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