I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
