We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
