Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
