I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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