You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize