i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
