I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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