last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
