I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
