When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
