Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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