I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
