this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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