I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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