Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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