hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
