Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
