Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
