Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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