You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize