I looked at my own cervix.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
