I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
