remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
