remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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